Hello my lovely readers.
I've been feeling a pull toward writing again, so here I am simply to share my recent thoughts as jumbled as they may be!
Something which has often been my stark reality is the struggle between retaining some form of control in my life, or particularly a specific area of my life at a certain time, versus a true and total dependance on God.
I suppose it comes down to knowledge and trust. Knowing who to trust ... Knowing God our Father enough to implicitly trust that he will most definitely listen, care, see and provide. He doesn't need to be early and he most certainly won't be late because his timing is perfect and his will and way are always for our best.
That may suggest that if I struggle to trust him and keep clawing at self-sufficiency and control, I don't really know him enough, because if I did then I wouldn't get so anxious. That could well be the case ... in fact who among us can boast a full and comprehensive knowledge of God? So yes, I do need to daily increase my knowledge of him and this will emphatically develop a natural dependence on him for all things.
However, I am a huge advocate for the plight of the daily grind and the constraints our humanity has on us. It's my reality that I am more often distracted by day to day life than my dependence on God. I've been on the receiving end of a very controlling relationship and to say the least, it's not nice. As a consequence I am protective about the things I can control when it comes to my children and my home most especially. It's hard to 'let go' and 'let God' sometimes.
Right now the best that I can do is to see God's hand in my life through the reflection of experiences and to know that his provision has always been best, it's never been late and throughout the struggle times, he's helped carry me through. He will continue to do this ... the Bible is full of promises to this effect and as God cannot lie, I can safely settle into the knowledge that his unchangeable, constant care will never end or take a break.
I heard this: "When God is all I have, I realise God is all I need". I need to live more like that. It evokes freedom and diminishes anxiety.
Ingrid x
