So I had to take my companion of 16.5 years to the vet today, to be put to sleep.
What a hard day.
I’m so thankful for prayer warriors (warrior is definitely the right word) ... you know who you are and I am so grateful.
One of my sisters reminded me of the verse in Matthew 10 (verse 29): “not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your father knowing it”. What a comfort. Not only does He care for us in our suffering, but He notices and cares about all His creation, which includes our pets.
I had friends with me and have so much support ... it makes me feel overwhelmed inside at the love and care surrounding me. One friend unexpectedly arrived at the vets to show her love and care. She reminded me of the kindness I was showing Pebble and that I was also fulfilling my responsibility toward God’s creation, as we are in fact guardians of all He has made and that He has given us dominion over it. I was doing the right thing, despite the heartache and torn emotions. Her prayer at the time strengthened me. The friends that had gone with me and my children had thought of everything, including a green blanket for pebble to be wrapped in because green is my favorite colour ... then they told the vet they were paying for the bill!
Coming home and still having to see to the needs of my 3 children, who by the way, were fighting and just awful! I hit a wall at teatime and struggled ... yet they needed a bath and getting to bed. Trying to hold back the torrent of tears whilst running the bath and then washing the dishes, the type of anguish that gives you a headache from the pressure ... my heart is weary and so very sore. I know I am strong, but my heart is soft.
Suffering and sadness don’t mean that somehow God is distant and unfeeling ... it’s the opposite; He cares deeply and is our companion throughout it all. He is walking this path with me. We can never be immune to pain, that would mean we weren’t human, but the amazing relief is that we have the God of all creation as our closest confidant, counsellor and compassionate care-giver. He draws near to sustain us.
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown” (Isaiah 43v2).
Everyone has a wound to heal and a sorrow to bear. Be assured that even if not one other person knows about it or comprehends the pain you’re holding inside, God knows and He cares. Call on Him and He will answer, draw alongside you and give you rest, comfort and hope. He gives strength so that we can endure, and peace within the turmoil.
God Himself has said “I will never leave you nor forsake you” ... So we may boldly say “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear” (Hebrews 13v5-6). In 2 Cor 1v3 we read: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort”. I love this in Psalm 56v8: “ You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book”.
We have such a good God.
As I was tucking my boys in to bed this evening and attempted to pray with them, I broke down a little bit. My 5yr old took over and prayed “dear God, please give me enough power to be able to make a dog out of duplo lego” ... what a sweetie. I do honestly believe that he will give it his best effort and will present me with a little dog, to help heal my sore heart. The simplicity of compassionate expression within a child is a true balm to the soul.
I appreciate being able to write this out and share with you, because in the doing, it helps me process things and feel more restful. Thank you.
This song by ‘Plumb’ came on whilst I’ve been writing this ... how apt! The lyrics are so relevant to many times during my life so far. Take a listen: ‘Need You now (how many times)’:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=9tivseVZbnY&feature=share
I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared this song with you before, but the words are so beautiful yet challenging ... what if our healing comes through tears? ... what if the trials of this life are your blessings in disguise? ‘Blessings’ ~ Laura Story:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc&feature=share
For a long time now, I’ve wanted to write children’s stories based on pebble and her adventurous life. Maybe I should get down to it, starting where it all began in a garden on the Copperbelt in Zambia ... sniffing out lizards to chase and playing with her big sister ‘Mercedes’ (a Rhodesian Ridgeback cross Great Dane, with a little bit of Doberman and Rottweiler thrown in!).
Ingrid x
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