Now that Mother's Day is over for this year, I thought I would reflect upon what motherhood means to me and some of the challenges around it.
For anyone reading this who may not be a mother but has wanted to be ... that was me for many years. My children, however, have come along not in the way that I had originally envisaged for my life. I thought I would remain childless to be honest. In a relationship outside of marriage and one which was to become toxic to the point of forced separation, I had 2 pregnancies and 3 children, all in my 40's. Pregnancy was not that enjoyable and the births were both via c-section, the first one emergency, the second one with twins, elective.
Motherhood ages you ... it's very true! It's exhausting and relentless, often back breaking for little or no thanks ... it's not done for thanks. A mother's love surpasses the normal bounds of any other form of love with the exception of God's love for us. It is a constant self-sacrifical, giving love without any concept of feeling 'bound' to do it or begrudging it ... it's just something that comes with the miraculous development of new life within. Birth and new life is truly beyond our comprehension. The instinct to protect, nourish and provide for a new baby is a God given response to a mother.
It's a constant juggling act. To provide and manage the basics every day in relation to the children whilst keeping on top of other things like finance, car maintenance and housework to name a few, means there is often little time left for 'fun'. It's easy to become a 'no' mum. To say 'yes' to craft again, or making a den, or play doh, just means more clearing up to do, bending down and tidying. You see we can't stock up ahead ... I may have a weekend to myself when the children are at their fathers and yes I spend a lot of it resting and relaxing in my own way, but I can't sleep all weekend and then do without for the next couple of nights, I can't store it up in advance. We all need enough for the day ... enough sleep, enough strength, enough wisdom, patience, compassion, endurance and yes I am going to work on this one... energy for fun!
I need to laugh more; I need to embrace mess and hilarity; not to worry if things aren't put away until the next day (or the day after that) ... I need to keep fit and healthy to keep up with my children, so that they too, can laugh with me and just be good old fashioned silly. We already do it, but not enough. Screen time can eat into family fun time and I don't like it. I need to pace myself but factor in the fun times for sure.
There are so many pressures, expectations and stresses on us as mothers. I am a single mother which adds other challenges too ... it can be lonely even amidst busyness. The weight of responsibility can feel heavy. It's not been an easy run since the pregnancy of my first born, yet I am constantly amazed at how full I feel ... my life is blessed beyond measure and I am content. My children are wonderful examples of God's miraculous creation, His compassionate heart and His faithful love in providing and caring for us.
Like any mother, I want so much for my children ... but mostly I want them to know the love and peace of God which surpasses understanding, that it would wholly fill their hearts and minds as they grow ... because this will then give them a solid foundation for all else in life ~ It will enable them to have a secure knowledge of their identity; it will protect them in the storms of life; it will guard them against evil; it will guide their choices and light the path of their life; it will comfort them during sadness and suffering; it will give them true perspective and keep them grounded in truth, knowing that the best is still to come ... eternal life with the very God who has given us all this during our time on earth. It will mean that my boys will become men and my girl will become a woman who show kindness to others. To me this is a wonderful virtue and a core value ... I will be so proud of them for just being them. Their income and social status, following on twitter and career choice are way down there ... insignificant in the face of virtues like kindness and gentleness. I like this quote from Charles Dickens: “pride is one of the deadly sins; but it cannot be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope”.
My children have been born into a challenging world and will face tough choices. I know one thing which will help them and that's prayer ... a mother’s prayer is the greatest armour. Please pray for children.
My main take-aways from this brief contemplation are that I will aim to play more and pray more with and for my children.
I love this verse in Isaiah 40v11: "He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young".
In Luke 18v15-17 Jesus calls the children to Him and bless them ... they were not insignificant to him, He specifically took the time to welcome them to Himself. He also made sure, right at the end of His life, that His mother was cared for by the apostle John (John 19v27). He cares about the detail of our lives; He cares about relationships; He cares for the afflicted, the fatherless, the orphan (read Psalm 10v12-18 and you'll see what I mean). God is just and God is good.
I am thankful for the privilege of being my children's mother, it is a huge but beautiful responsibility; one which I hope I can fulfil to the best of my ability ... not in and of my own strength but Christ in me, so that the best is brought to the fore and my children will rise up and call me blessed (Prov 31v28), because they too have experienced the peace of God in their own hearts and minds.
I want to say thank you to my own mother. She is a wonderful example to me and I am so grateful that God saw fit to design me then individually chose for me to be born as a daughter to my mother and father with a distinct purpose in mind. I had no voice in the matter, but am so thankful.
Thank you to all you mother's out there and also to you who may not be a mother but you are like a mother to a child; you may be called 'auntie' but you have the heart of a mother.
Ingrid xx
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