What am I like?

😟😔😕

Same old same old.

What's she on about now you may well ask? Honestly I'm just sharing because I'm frustrated, disappointed and ashamed of myself.

Statement of fact: I do not prioritise prayer.

Crazy but it's true. Why? I don't really know.

'They' (that infamous, unidentifiable, opinionated bunch of all knowing people) say that 'if you want something enough then you'll do whatever it takes to get it / do it'. Maybe that's true and I just don't want to do it or see it as important enough. Or maybe I'm lazy and just 'wing it', using prayer as an on-the-go ad-hock communication portal to the divine.

Silly thing is that I know it's important, vital even. I also know it works and makes a vast difference to every aspect of life but primarily to the development of a personal understanding of who God is.

So yes it's all very well me praying in the middle of the night that God would somehow help me get comfy enough to sleep! I like conversation about every day real issues that present themselves ... we should be able to talk to God about these things and he does care. However for my prayer life to be limited most days, to this, is not adequate for spiritual growth or a genuine belief in the seriousness of what prayer is for and about.

So hey ho, I have no answers or magic solution but I know the struggle is real and my feeling of inadequate despondency in relation to my prayer life won't somehow make it all better tomorrow ... it's more of a need for daily check ins and accountability along with the belief that I have a powerful resource to hand which I would be most wise to utilise to it's fullest potential!

You know what's kind of worse? The fact that I rely on others to pray for me and I enormously value those prayers because I gain the benefit from them! How one dimensional and pretty self-indulgent. 

The reality is that I need to take this one step at a time, and maybe the initial baby step is to fiercely protect the first minute of my waking day (until it becomes my new normal) to acknowledge God's presence in simple worship of Him. He gave me life, designed me and loves me beyond measure ... why wouldn't I want to speak to Him and thank Him before the activities of the day begin?

I'll try.

Ingrid x

“Father thank you for being faithful when I’m so fickle”.