It's always best to be honest. So here I am ... I was wondering what and how to write for this week because I've just been 'off'. I was going to try and follow up on some thoughts I'd had previously, and create a midweek post out of them but it would be have been contrived and forced, making me feel exhausted at the get go. So rather than do that, I'll just share how I'm feeling and meander my way through, nattering as I go.
I must say, that as I start this, I've put on an old playlist that I created for someone else years ago, and I already feel a little lighter and uplifted. I've just listened to these 2 songs ... take a listen yourself:
'Through the fire' by Randy Travis, and 'He'll Hold You' by Selah.
I don't know about you, but I have times when I can feel as though I'm under-performing and in a bit of a fog, for no apparent reason at all. I don't mean under-performing at something like work, but just at the normal daily activities ... it's as though I'm dragging my heels and wearily making myself think about preparing tea or folding the laundry. What's that about? It's more frustrating because I'm usually a busy bee, keeping order and engaging in creative ideas whilst multi-tasking around the house and corresponding with others. The only word for it is 'blah'.
Yes I'm tired and have an achey back / neck, but that's not unusual. It's the easter holidays so the term time routine isn't happening, but I don't mind that and I love having the children at home. I'm hoping to move house at some point in the not too distant future, so that's an extra thing on my mind, but it's a good thing. So what's the explanation for this malaise? The answer ... there may not be one. It feels like a dip and a drag ... I'm old enough and been around the block enough to know that it won't last, but even so, it's frustrating.
What's more, it affects my spiritual outlook and energy. My daily ramblings to God throughout the day have dried up somewhat and His word is a little harder to read and enjoy. Now that's wrong isn't it?
You know what ... I'm going to tell myself that it's ok. Sometimes we just get a little weary. If that translates into feeling a bit down and less energetic for a few days then so be it. It's a times like this that Jesus calls to say 'come aside and rest awhile' (Mark 6v31). Unfortunately for me, that's not always possible! But I can continue, albeit at an 'under parr' pace. Keep on keeping on!
Here's the good news ... God can handle it. He's there, the same, throughout whatever I'm feeling and struggling with. My part is to not let my 'feelings' dictate my outlook or responses. Despite maybe not feeling like doing it, I should praise God; should still read His word; should still sing; should still pray (even if I fall asleep in the middle of it); should still be wiling to help others. This is God's way and is a balm to the soul ... what often seems to be too hard, can end up being the solace and restorative solution needed.
I like that verse in both Psalms and Hebrews which states if we love righteousness then God will anoint us with the oil of gladness. I tend to think that if we can follow righteousness even when we don't 'feel' like it or just don't really have the energy to, then God will draw alongside and provide that personal application of soothing, healing oil which will then in turn, bring back our joy ... we will be glad and vibrant once again. (Let's bring back the glad game ~ Pollyanna!)
David is such a great character in the Bible to read about if and when you're feeling a bit overwhelmed and under resourced ... lacking the energy required to fulfil maybe even the most basic of duties. Not just physically weary but spiritually too ... like you're stuck in the mire as he describes in Psalm 69 with the waters going to overflow you. He talks so often about his struggles with feeling alone; confronted by the enemy; his own failings and remorsefulness; wondering why ... yet he always comes back to the amazing, unfailing, steadfast and faithful love of God. What a reassurance! No matter how you or I feel, God's position, His love and faithfulness toward us will never change. So if I feel 'blah' today, God is still God ... His steadfast love and care for me is unaffected but is even more active in helping me feel the reassurance I need and the energy required to just continue ... to keep keeping on.
In Psalm 71 David asks his Lord to be a rock of refuge to which he may continually come ... he knows he'll need it more than once and he relies on that refuge being there for the many trying times ... so should we. He also says he will hope continually ... that's good advice for us too, let's never loose hope. "For you, O Lord, are my hope" (v5). If God is our hope then hope can never be lost, what a great promise to cling to.
So "you who seek God, let your hearts revive" (Psalm 69v32).
I have a feeling that tomorrow morning I could say with the Psalmist: "I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustained me" (Psalm 3v5). How much sleep in total is yet to be determined, but I know He will sustain me and I also know that I cannot allow my lethargy to sap my hope in God. I may feel 'blah' but He will help me to shine again and be filled with joy.
Let us rise above our circumstances and feelings, to honour God and speak forth the praises of His name. Truth must prevail over the voices of tired dullness. The truth is that this too will pass, and God is to be praised. He is over all and will extend His grace, hope and mercy to all who call on His name.
"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God ... how precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings ... For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light" (Psalm 36).
God's steadfast love is unconditional, unshakable, unfathomable and unending. It protects, provides, is precious and gives peace. It is personal, yet available for all.
Even though I just feel a little bit foggy and off for no real reason, if you, like me, feel out of sorts someday, just remember to keep just doing the next right thing and keep praising God, praying to Him to sustain you, and you will prevail. The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit and if we look to Him our faces will be radiant (Psalm 34). How nice.
So as I go off to bed now, I will pray the prayer I often do and which I had on my wall when I was a lot younger: "I will both lie me down in peace, and sleep; for You, alone O Lord, make me dwell in safety" (Psalm 4v8).
Tomorrow is a new day without a moment of lethargy in it! I will delight in the Lord and rise to praise His name, I hope. I may also groan at being woken by my children well before I'm ready to be disturbed. What's key is to hold on to the one who's holding me no matter what ... the clouds will part and the sun will shine through. My productiveness will return and my vibrant spirit will reawaken with renewed vigour. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ... I have to tell myself these truths regularly because I'm pretty useless otherwise! Don't for one minute think I somehow feel a moment of faintheartedness and then speak truth to myself and I'm on a spiritual high of some sort ... it's a daily battle for sure, but to seek peace in the process; hope in the hurry; and faith in the frenzy; certainly helps me to take the next step.
Don’t give up hope ~ Third Day:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=lNplqaLXZGU&feature=share
Love to you all
Ingrid x
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